ampage Tech Humor

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Dave Stork, Stork Audio 9/22/98 6:38 am 14 0
I was once explaining relaxation oscillators to a junior tech fresh out of trade school. He pointed to the neon bulb on the schematic I'd sketched on scrap paper.



"So, the fact that the firing and holding voltages are different... That's hysteria, right?"

 
Dave Stork, Stork Audio 9/22/98 6:50 am 33 0
Here's another tale from my tenure at the shop I mentioned in the Yamaha-and-bowling-ball story.



The atmosphere at the shop was pretty loose. We kept beer in the fridge and weren't adverse to knocking back a frosty one as we worked. I used to line up the empties on the equipment bridge on my bench for some reason (probably laziness). After a week or so I'd run out of room, get rid of the bottles and start again.



One August afternoon, I was alone in the shop and the air conditioner wasn't working. I cracked open a beer, took off my shirt, and continued laboring at my bench. Some woman walked in carting a small road case... presumably a piece of broken gear. Startled, I turned around, remembered that I was the only employee there, and said, "Hello! May I help you?"



She looked at me--gut hanging out and all--looked at the beer bottles, and left without a word

 
Marc Ferguson 10/6/98 5:23 pm 12 0
I actually took a call from a man who purchased an effects unit that wanted to know what M one D one did, and exactly what to do with it. It took a few minutes for me to realize he was reading the MIDI output jack.

 
Burgundy 10/6/98 9:01 pm 38 0
Here´s one for purists;

A good friend of mine, who is a PA tech, once did a session for a locally well known band. Turned out they had their own engineer. This was no problem at all, but the man wasn´t satisfied with the set, and refused (backed by the band) to do anything without at least two limiters.

After some arguing, my friend went to the office, rather sour, and got the limiters.

Engineer and band were happy as clams.

After the concert, the guy triumphantly said "see, it´s a lot better with those!"

My friend put on a stupid face, held up some XLR jacks and said "geez, maybe I should have plugged ´em in then?" It took two bouncers to keep the band off of him.

 
10/8/98 9:12 pm 19 0
I used to work at a small repair shop (we repaired everything electronic) with my partner Hubert. Now Hubert was old school, he was about 65 when I started working with him (I was 18 and in my first year of college in '86)knew EVERYTHING electronic, and he was pretty much my mentor. Being an older fellow, he didn't quite care for modern music or the musicians who performed it. One day a guy walked in (obviously a mouthbreathing metalhead) with a guitar and an amp (a Peavey solid state junker), complained of a noise problem and proceeded to play it for us to demonstrate. Well it sounded (and he played) awful! Hubert looked disgusted and told the guy "end of the week" and asked for the $20 bench fee we charged. The guy raised a stink about waiting a week and to top it off he was broke. Amazingly Hubert said ok (he was REALLY tight). After the mouthbreather left, I asked Hubert if he had an idea what was wrong with the amp and what he planned to do. Hubert said "I'll let you know" and that was that. Two days later Hubert says "come here I'll show what's up with the amp" which was opened up on the bench. At this point Hubert climbs up on the bench, drops his pants, and proceeds to defecate inside the chassis right on the circuit board, "call him up tell him it's done". Guy picks it up on saturday, we never heard from him again!

 
Mike 10/9/98 4:52 pm 22 0
I used to work at a small repair shop (we repaired everything electronic) with my partner Rubert. Now Rubert was new school, he was about 25 when I started working with him (I was 18 and in my first year of college in '96. I knew EVERYTHING electronic, including repairing TV's and children's toy trucks and cars. Being a complete ass, we didn't quite care for modern music or the musicians who performed it. One day a guy walked in-obviously a metalhead. I said get a clue! So this guy comes in with his guitar and a Peavey solid state junker! What a joke! He then complained of a noise problem (I think it was my mouth!) and proceeded to play it for us to demonstrate. Well it sounded (and he played) awful! Hubert looked disgusted and told the guy "end of the week" and asked for the $20 bench fee we charged. The guy raised a stink about waiting a week and to top it off he was broke! What a loser! Amazingly Rubert said ok- go figure! After the guy left, I asked Rubert if he had an idea what was wrong with the amp and what he planned to do. Hubert said "I'll let you know" and that was that. Two days later Hubert says "come here I'll show what's up with the amp" which was opened up on the bench. He then fixed the amp and called the guy! It was a loose wire. Good old Rubert save this guy some money, instead of being a complete moron!

 
10/15/98 11:25 am 36 0
click>> Phone conversation with Dr. Stereo

 
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ampage Tech Humor