|Dan Boul||10/11/2003 6:21 AM||16||0|
|What does a stripper does with her a$$hole before she goes to work?
Drops him off at band practice! Ba-dum-pum!
|bloozstar||2/20/2004 3:45 PM||10||0|
|A tech was looking for an unusual 20th wedding anniversary present for his wife. He went to the pet store, and was shown spiders, fish, snakes, turtles, and finally was shown a mynah bird. Although the bird was expensive, buying his wife a talking bird was going to be fun. Two weeks after the purchase, the tech called the owner of the pet store, complaining that the bird wasn't talking. "Oh, we have perform an operation before he will talk, bring it in, the operation will cost $200.00". The tech complained that he has already spent $400.00 for the bird, and the store owner implied a warranty if not talking. The store owner says "Ok, you file the tip of the bird's beak to stimulate speech, but please be careful, because if you file too much of the beak, it will drown the next time it takes a drink of water". About a week passes, and the tech goes back to the store and asks if there was another Mynah bird for sale, his wife was attached to the one that died. The owner asked if the tech filed the beak too far, and if the bird drowned, The tech asnswred no, the bird was dead when he took its head out of the vise.|
|Fredrock||2/20/2004 7:07 PM||16||0|
|I worked in a "Satellite" location for a large electronics repair firm spanning 6 counties in central/southern Florida. The high tech repairs went to a central repair location in Fort Meyers, so what I did was check in the items and keep track of the paperwork. Camcorder repairs were always a guaranteed chuckle. One particular instance, a very nervous customer meekly surrendered his dripping wet camera for repair. An hour later, he called me on the phone. He asked if we watch the films in the camrycoders when we fix'em. I assured him we do not watch the tapes.
He insists telling me what happened. It was his birthday, and his girlfriend bought him the camcorder. After many drinks, and assorted highs and lows, he convinces her to let him tape her "doing stuff" . He became so rattled when she inserted the baseball bat that he dropped the camera in the bathtub.
Nope, didn't watch that "film" either.....
|2/22/2004 3:06 PM||21||0|
|...sorry for the off color content, but...
Panasonic sent hordes of women into panic when they discontinued their Model 1500 "personal massager". The replacement product was really cheesy, so over a period of 2 years I repaired more than 150 of them, as well as several other brands. I was amazed that word spread so quickly (or spread at all), and that personal massagers would be a topic of conversation between so many women (and men)."MR. BUZZIE DIED? LOOK, I KNOW THIS GUY..."
You can only imagine the answers when asked : "WHAT IS IT DOING, OR NOT DOING, or HOW LONG DOES THIS NEED TO RUN BEFORE THE PROBLEM OCCURS or CAN YOU SHOW ME WHAT MAKES IT STOP WORKING ".
|Jon Wilder||2/22/2004 6:32 PM||11||0|
|I remember when I was 17, shortly after I had built my first homebrew 1959 clone, I got a job contracting amplifier repair to a local music shop, a job most people my age could never get. Well, the in house amp guy felt intimidated by the fact that I was just a high school kid doing this stuff all because he had degrees and certifications in electronics.
One day as I was going in to drop off repairs, the in house guy had a Carvin tube amp (can't remember which model) that had a bad power hum to it. He told me he looked it over for hours and couldn't find the problem.
So I took it out and looked at it, and it took me about 5 seconds to see that one of the filter caps was leaking really badly. Needless to say, I replaced it and bada bing bada boom the damn thing was fixed.
Just goes to show that a piece of paper (i.e. certification/degree) don't mean JACK SHIT!!!
|Jon Wilder||2/24/2004 7:07 PM||22||0|
|A buddy told me this story of a gig that he couldn't make it to several years ago. They got this guy to fill in who thought he was hot shit.
Well, after about the 5th song, a member of the audience comes up to tell him "Hey man you're on fire!" The guitarist was like "Thank you thank you."
The guy replied back "No no no man you're smokin'!" Again the guitarist replied "Thanks man!"
Finally the guy, frustrated as all hell, yelled, "Man, I meant your speakers are on fire!"
The guitarist looked back at his amp to see a bunch of black smoke pouring out of it.
|Sweetfinger||10/3/2004 2:16 AM||20||0|
|A guy comes into the store today and is buying a guitar. He's checking it out and asks if "this here is the humbucking switch" Our sales guy explains that the toggle switch selects between the bridge and neck pickups. The guy flicks the toggle to the neck position and gives a strum and says "Oh yeah! That's much better!" The sales guy adds that he'll REALLY like it when its plugged in.|